Attraction (Part 2)
Saturday, 08 November, 2003
Attraction is the fun part of romance. Attraction is the “‘spark’ that makes hearts pound and minds wander”. It seems to come from nowhere and it is hard to escape. No wonder the ancient Greeks and ancient Romans conceived of the mythology of Eros/Cupid with his mischievously-tipped arrows; attraction sometimes seems like it's beyond our control.
But attraction does not last. Attraction is not something we should ever worship. It is temporary; it will pass away like the grass of the field. Or rather the “spark” will fizzle and turn into something else. It will harden into gold. That doesn't mean that it will go away, it just means that it's different. People long for the spark. Don't fall into the trap of trying to get it back once it's gone because its time has passed.
Looking back over what I wrote in my previous post, I can say:
- Most of my time is spent with Ben now. I spend more time with him than with any other person simply because we now live together. But previously we spent time together for the sake of being together and now we spend time together doing different things that need doing or which we like doing. We have to make time to spend time together to be together.
- I spend more time alone with Ben than with anyone else. And it's still great but, again, the nature of the time spent together is different.
- I do want to be physically near Ben but I don't have to be near him all the time.
- I don't think about him all the time anymore—except when I'm worried about him and then my brain goes crazy.
- Not everything reminds me of him anymore, though a lot of things still do. Perhaps this is because I'm not thinking about him all the time.
- I am still interested in whatever Ben is interested in, though it might take me a while to warm to it and I'm not interested in it purely because Ben is interested in it. There are also just some paths that I can't take due to limitations of time. I've never warmed to Stryper.
- I still want to tell Ben everything about myself but I think that he already knows most of it already since he knows me pretty well now (I think).
- I still want to know everything about Ben (since he is not static but forever changing as a person) but now I know quite a lot. He does continue to surprise me and sometimes there are things that I half-guess about him which I don't believe to be true until it is confirmed by some other means, or if he puts those thoughts into words.
Does that mean I am not attracted to Ben anymore? No, I still am. But it's different. Do you understand what I mean?
Current:
Bible: Isaiah (ESV) 28/09/2010
seen: Tropic Thunder 26/09/2010
seen: The Life of Mammals 24/09/2010
seen: What a Girl Wants 19/09/2010
seen: Jerry Maguire 19/09/2010
seen: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 06/09/2010
seen: Tomorrow Never Dies 05/09/2010
seen: Nanny McPhee 28/08/2010
read: Mercury (Hope Larson) 27/08/2010
read: Spellcheckers Vol 1 (Jamie S Rich, Nicolas Hitori de, Joelle Jones) 16/08/2010
read: Solipsistic Pop Vol 2 (Solipsistic Pop) 16/08/2010
read: Chiggers (Hope Larson) 15/08/2010
seen: Josie and the Pussycats 14/08/2010
seen: Mr & Mrs Smith 14/08/2010
seen: Step Up 2 13/08/2010
Blinks:
How to recalibrate the home button on your iPhone.
Unsolicited manuscripts accepted by Pan Macmillan with certain conditions.
Thought Balloon is a group blog in which the writers tackle a new theme every week? month? with one-page scripts. This URL is for their Phonogram ones.
How to sew a zipper on a knitted garment.
Issues organised by tale.
Online magazine that publishes fairy tales that are not reworkings of old tales.
Journal that publishes fairy tale writing.
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Disqus comments
Other comments
[Quote]I’ve never warmed to Styper.[/Qutoe]
You make that sound like a bad thing!
MR. SPARKLE:
I’m disrespectful to dirt! Can you see I
am serious?
THE WOMEN:
What a brave corporate logo! I
accept the challenge of “Mr. Sparkle.”
WOMAN I:
Awsoma power!
MR. SPARKLE:
For lucky best wash, use Mr. Sparkle!
(I’ve got a Sparkle in my life)
True..true..
Stryper is a very dangerous thing. There is much wailing and holding of ears when the “Yellow and Black attack”. (Apologies to those who miss the relevance of that statement)...
However, Stryper is nowhere near as dangerous as the Spark…Especially a mischievous spark anywhere near the grass of the field. We must be constantly backburning to ensure we are not ravaged by wyldfire.
That sounds a bit sad if the spark goes, where does it go, why can’t you get it back?
Because its time has past. Because the relationship is no longer new and therefore no longer as exciting (though it still may be exciting). These things happen.
But you believe the spark is necessary to start a relationship and that its not wrong, but necessarily right? I see people attempt to prevent sparks by saying, well that’s just the excitement of meeting a new person and you should get to know them better, which denies a true hearts showing, not that a true heart could be so foolish to fall to a spark, or be deceived.
PUCK
Captain of our fairy band,
Helena is here at hand;
And the youth, mistook by me,
Pleading for a lover’s fee.
Shall we their fond pageant see?
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
I don’t think the spark is “necessary” though it is nice. In some marriages (like arranged marriages), the spark develops later and that’s a beautiful thing.
hmmm. - the spark.
I think that’s what people refer to as the “honeymoon period”. Shorter and longer for some.
I agree. The ‘spark’ does go. You’ll never get that butterflies thing in the stomach again. Part of the nervousness with initial attraction is that you have no idea what’s going to happen - it could be great, or you could get crushed like a bug!
Marriage is much more secure - relaxed. It is a deep friendship and connectedness rather than the excitement of possibilities. That’s why you have to build relationships more on friendship I guess rather than excitement.
I’m with ya.