/karen/

Juggernaut

Wednesday, 04 June, 2008

Thursday 22/5/08

I have trouble getting out of bed. Back at work, I wonder why there's no great parking at 7:30 am any more; I used to be able to park in the alley right next to MM and walk a few metres to the office. But nowadays the alley is full of cars and they're always the same ones.

I deal with my email, Sola Panel posts, authors getting back to me with their approval for stuff, Faithful Writer administration (which takes longer than usual) and my own apathy. At morning tea, Guan makes me a hot chocolate (yay!) and Bec a coffee (ew!), and we flip through The Arrival by Shaun Tan (I'm lending it to him).

I wasn't really concentrating too well but I made myself finish off the John Bible brief, and then we headed out to lunch for dumplings, honey chicken and Shanghai noodles (where we ran into Duncan who was having lunch with his work buddies. He came over and said hi after Guan poked him with a chopstick.)

Back in the office, it wasn't long until we had Bible study and prayer. Afterwards, I sorted out more Briefing stuff, then realised the day was almost over. So I read over both Bible briefs again and cleared them to go to layout and went home. I didn't feel like working but I was a bit depressed about being behind (well, behind according to my own timetable). I had a shower to wake myself up, then played on the computer. Ben went out to dinner with Duncan and I stayed home and watched Along Came Polly on DVD (borrowed off George) which I wasn't hugely fond of. I also watched the bonus features, then did some blogging. Ben and Duncan came home around this time, and somehow we got talking about steampunk, so I showed him The Steampunk Workshop. He soon had to go, so he said farewell, and I finished up what I was doing and went to bed.

Friday 23/5/08

Ben came into work with me. We got into the office around 8 am. I started work on one of the feature articles and it was really hard going. I felt really stupid because I didn't understand the logic of the piece, and so whinged to Ben about it. What can you do when you're stuck? Thank God for husbands.

I made a breakthrough once I realised that the numbered headings weren't a list and were probably better off not being numbered. Then I started making some headway. But then I realised I was running out of time. Ben heated my lunch for me and brought it to my desk, but I had to cancel on Elsie. Unfortunately she didn't get the message (I emailed her because my mobile battery died) and so turned up anyway. So we just prayed together in the conference room.

She left and I pushed on, and finished just at 2:45 when the Friday Worker's Club got together for cake and ice cream for afternoon tea (they were going to meet at 3 but I complained Ben and I would be gone by then so they shifted it earlier for us). Then Ben and I dashed off to counselling where we talked Ben things. (I never realised, for example, that he thought my decision about church was a good idea.)

Afterwards, we had a bit of time so we went to Macquarie Centre for a hot chocolate. It was Starbucks (i.e. not great) but it did the trick. They were closing so after we downed our beverages, we headed to Woolworths to pick up some drinks for the evening's activities and I experienced self-service supermarket check out for the first time (weird! But fast!)

Then we drove to Guan and Mary's, hitting traffic on the Gore Hill freeway. Despite the traffic, we managed to get there around the same time as Bec. She had brought along her cloak and said I could have it on permanent loan (ooh!) It's scarlet with armholes and it's hugely cool. We sat around in Guan and Mary's loungeroom chatting, then moved to the office to show Mary the sneezing panda on Youtube. (I changed Guan's Facebook status while he wasn't looking.) Mary was saying funny things which made us all laugh (but they shall remain unblogged. If you're over there, I think Ben pinned them to the side of their fridge though.) I was wondering where Fish was and tried turning on my mobile which, in its dying gasps, coughed up an SMS from him saying he couldn't make it.

Dinner was then ready and Guan asked if we were going to eat by the television or at the table. I said, “I like talking” and they burst out laughing, and we ate at the table—yummy cottage pie and salad made by Guan. After dinner, we settled down for Deadfest—that is, watching Dead Like Me which Bec had borrowed off the Baddeleys. We watched the pilot and two episodes. I quite enjoyed it—it's about a girl named Georgia who dies after being hit by a toilet seat that has broken off the space station Mir. She then becomes one of the “grim reapers”—the ones who harvest people's souls before they die. Unfortunately reapers don't get paid and either have to scavenge off the dead to pay their rent and buy food, or go out and get a proper job. Oh, and it's got Mandy Patinkin in it (you know him from ER, Criminal Minds and The Princess Bride; I know him because he played George Seurat in the Broadway production of Sunday in the Park with George opposite Bernadette Peters [it's my favourite Stephen Sondheim musical]).

We called it a night around 11, then drove home and went to bed.

Saturday 24/5/08

This would have been the day of the C.S. Lewis Today conference had it not been cancelled. Ben decided to go on the walk that Tho organised. I would have liked to go but I was exhausted and thought it was probably wise for me to rest and have a people-free day. I slept for about 12 hours and got up around midday. A lady from Auspoll called and asked me lot of stuff to do with current affairs and politics. As I was talking to her, I thought, “Cool! Now I'm one of those people in those polls and they're actually listening to me!” and “Hey! I'm more in touch with stuff than I think I am!” I think I managed to sound quite intelligent and I even surprised her (she asked me what did I think were the big issues concerning health and I said mental health—an answer I don't think she'd received before). She also asked me a heap of questions about teen smoking. And then at the end of the conversation, she asked me about my accent. I always forget I talk funny.

I went out for a walk to buy milk and pick up my drycleaning but I was too late—the drycleaners were shut. I walked back home and made myself lunch, and watched some of my favourite Buffy episodes as I had to give the discs back to Matt. Ben came back from the walk and I discovered I was out of time again—it was time to go. I washed up, soaked Bec's Lace Ribbon scarf and re-blocked it (because I was unhappy with how it turned out) and we drove to the Como Hotel for Ben's 10-year high school reunion.

You'd think that this sort of thing would be boring for me but you must remember that I've been married to Ben for 8 years, we were engaged for one year and we were casual acquaintances and friends for one year. So I've known some of Ben's high school friends for almost 10 years. I wouldn't say I know them well—they're more Ben's friends than my friends—but I still enjoy seeing them, and there were a lot of people there that night I hadn't seen in a long time. Still, I spent most of the evening hanging out with the wives' club: Elwin's fiancée Felicity and Belinda, Marto's wife who I met that night for the first time. And I enjoyed getting to know them a bit better. And every now and then a waiter or waitress would come along with a tray full of yummy finger food.

They had to close up the room at around 10:30 so we headed downstairs to the pub area which wasn't as nice, and there we hung out for a bit longer with people like Leigh, Rob and others I didn't know. Finally we said our goodbyes and headed home.

Sunday 25/5/08

I was up at 9 because I thought we were going to Rozelle. But Ben needed to rest so he sent his apologies to Andrew C and slept in. I started the laundry and ate breakfast. Then, disgusted by the build-up of hair and dust on our floors, I went on a cleaning spree, and vacuumed and dusted almost the entire house. When Ben got up, I washed and changed the sheets, and got him to make lunch. I kept going with vacuuming and dusting, and afterwards the house felt a lot cleaner.

In the afternoon, I did some blogging and read The New York Times and Salon.com. We went off to band practice around 5:30 but no one showed up. I sat there playing the piano while Ben went to return stuff to Fish. I tinkered around on the keys and had a musical idea which was rather odd because I'd never had one before (I don't compose). I tried to write it down. Not sure if it will go anywhere but anyway.

People trickled in around 5:45 because they'd all been away on the church houseparty (we didn't go because of the reunion). Cameron G wanted to stage a rebellion by setting up church the other way. We helped him, but when Malcolm turned up, he made everyone turn it back around. At 6, Marinka showed up with the sheet music. Ben, Julia and I had a very quick music rehearsal, then church started fairly late. The laptop connected to the data projector went into screensaver mode halfway through one of the songs so we did an instrumental repeat during which I got quite lost, but we held it together.

After church, I sat down with various people to tell them I was leaving. They were, understandably, very sad but also quite understanding which was nice. Then I drove home because Ben decided to go out for coffee with Cameron G. I did some blogging and then went to bed.

Monday 26/5/08

So begins one of the most stressful weeks in the history of my short life. I got into work fairly early and started editing the Pastor's brief article. I finished that around lunchtime and sent it off to the author. Then I met up with Elsie to read the Bible and pray. In the afternoon, I started on the last article I had to edit (a feature article). I thought I was going fairly well: it was the double issue (which means almost twice the amount of content), I didn't have any extra editing time in the schedule, and it looked like I would get all the bits that were my responsibility for this issue done on time.

Tony and I had our weekly meeting in the afternoon. Then at 4 I drove home. I didn't feel like doing the grocery shopping so left it for a day. I made the mince dish for dinner, we watched an episode of The Sopranos, I had a shower and then I very stupidly stayed up sewing my Percy/Lace Ribbon bag (will save pictures of that for another day).

Tuesday 27/5/08

After going to bed at 1, we slept in a little and drove into work together, getting in around 10 (but I did half an hour of work at home before we left the house). I finished editing the final feature article and sent it off to the author, then tidied up some other Briefing-related things. But at around lunchtime the author of the Pastor's brief I had edited the day before contacted us and, because he was going away and wouldn't have time to look at the article, he wanted us to pull it.

At this point I decided it was probably time to have lunch. When Tony came in, I told him the news and then broke out the emergency chocolate. (I keep a box of Cadbury Favourites in my desk. I'm not a choc-a-holic—I'm not even really into chocolate. It's just that I wanted to have it there for when other people were having crises and were in need of chocolate.) That said, I was having a bit of a crisis, so went around the office handing out emergency chocolate (giving people things makes me feel better for some reason) and tried not to cry. I was trying to be adult about it but the fact is, when you've been going really hard at the editing thing and you think you've finished, it's pretty hard to summon up more enthusiasm to keep going on yet another article.

Ben went off to the atheism talk at UNSW in the afternoon. I tried to edit but had trouble concentrating. I sent a stack of stuff off to Joy for layout and talked to Emma about ads for the July/August issue. It got to 6:15 and I realised I just wasn't going anywhere and it would be better if we headed home. So we did. We had leftovers for dinner, I watched an episode of Cowboy Bebop and then I got stuck into it. But it was hugely depressing (or that could be because I was listening to my depression playlist) and I was struggling. I talked on IM with Bec and Guan for a little while, and when Ben came home, he was extremely nice to me and even did the dishes, but of course none of them could help. So I pushed on until 12:30 when I finally got it done and sent it off to the authors. And then I went to bed.

Wednesday 28/5/08

I was up at 8 and had a shower, then walked to Newtown to meet Christine at Urban Bites. I was early so I poked around in the shops for a while and found Healing is Difficult by Sia in HUM for $10. I also ran into Kate and chatted with her for a bit.

Christine and I had breakfast together and talked about various things. It was a really nice breakfast. We finished up around 11 and parted ways. I walked home via Holy Sheet and bought myself a new dressing gown with the $20 off voucher they had sent me (I've had my old one since I was 16 so I thought it was about time for a change. The new one is made of microfibre and feels like a stuffed toy.)

Ben was up when I got home, plus our counsellor had called, letting me know what time I could call her if necessary. We were out of food, so after Ben had eaten his breakfast, we headed off to do the grocery shopping—fruit, vegetables, meat and groceries. I also tried to see if they sold the rice cooker I wanted (it's a Breville Syncro—I think it does congee as well as rice. I figure Breville is pretty good. Our first rice cooker was a Breville and it lasted for five years, whereas the last one we had—a Sunbeam—barely made it through three) but I had no such luck.

At home, Ben made us sandwiches for lunch (a rare event). I wasn't that hungry. Then we walked to Malcolm's place to have a difficult conversation. People asked me afterwards how it went and I said, “It could have been worse.” I could have lost my temper or burst into tears. But I didn't do either of those things—I remained calm the entire time—and I felt proud of myself as a result. However, the conversation did not go well, and eventually we got up and walked home again.

I spent some time making some phone calls to Marinka and also to Sarah T, then I got on the computer and did things before settling down with the DVD of Stick It (a comfort film), the chopping board and 4 kgs of chicken breast which I then chopped up. Ben made dinner—chicken rogan josh. We ended up going to bed too late.

Thursday 29/5/08

I got into work early and ate my breakfast there. As I was washing up, I cleaned the coffee machine which turned out to be a bit useless as Anna had an accident and had to clean the whole thing again later on that morning anyway. I was feeling rather down, and I talked to Tony, then Bec, then Guan when he came in. I tried to work and get the last of The Briefing stuff done. Tony and I had a meeting about it to sort out what was left: Up front, Interchange, Pastor's brief, etc. We ended up cancelling the scheduled Briefing meeting as Gordon wasn't in and Simon had stacks to do (as did we). During morning tea, I talked to Bec and she made me a hot chocolate. We also ended up having lunch together. After lunch, we had Bible study and prayer. Then I pressed on in the afternoon, leaving before four and taking work home with me because I had to start stuff for the June Briefing.

I had a short turnaround time, and I caught the train at around 5 to Town Hall. Sarah T met me on the train and we walked to Greater Union George St and got our tickets. Because, in a way, I was treating her (I was using the tickets my brother gave us for Christmas and it seemed stupid to accept money from her because they were a gift), she treated me to popcorn (yum!) The session wasn't billed as G-Max session but it was in a G-Max theatre. We watched Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull—my first Indiana Jones movie (yes, I've never seen any of them before!) and Sarah's first Indiana Jones movie at the cinema. I enjoyed it and thought it was a lot of fun. The fact that it had Shia LaBeouf didn't hurt either (I liked him in Holes and Transformers).

Afterwards we went in search of dinner around World Square. I'm hopeless; you should never ask me what I want for dinner because it will invariably be Japanese. Sarah wasn't really into Japanese but she was willing to try, so we ended up in a little Japanese place in World Square whose name I've forgotten (but I'd never been there before). We talked about sci-fi movies, and she paid me out for liking ballet and opera, and then we caught the train home.

Back at home, there was work I needed to do and I figured it was quicker to do it at home than to do it at work. My work computer has been seriously annoying me lately—it's been running rather slowly and sometimes it takes ages to do stuff. I can't even think about running Photoshop unless I shut all the other programs. Plus my operating system isn't recent enough to install such goodies as Quicksilver, Textmate and Scrivener so often it feels like I'm working underwater. If I was less stressed, it probably wouldn't bug me so much and I'd be able to handle it (as I have for the past three years). But I was stressed so my solution was to do it at home on my relatively quick PC which runs HTML-Kit.

I worked until 3 am (that's 5.5 hours) and managed to get just about everything done I needed to do for the June Briefing, including marking up (but not editing) enews. Then I went to bed and couldn't sleep.

Friday 30/5/08

When you go to bed at 3 am, you don't want to get up until 10. At least that's the theory; in reality, I was woken up at 8 by the school bell (curse them!) and then again at 9 by one of our neighbour's children who boasts a pretty good set of lungs. I was so determined to sleep in that, even though I was awake, I stayed in bed lying there with my eyes shut. I wish I wasn't a light sleeper.

We got up and I worked a bit on my computer until Ben was ready to leave, and then we headed in, arriving at around 11:30. I ended up talking to Em for a bit while she was making herself a coffee. She accidentally put too much water in the machine and had to mop it all up because it spilled across the bench. As she was cleaning and as we were talking, I must have killed about a dozen cockroaches ranging from the extremely small to the not-so-small German types. This is what disturbs me about coffee-drinkers: they know that there are cockroaches living in the machine. It just doesn't bug them. Ew.

Obviously, I was pretty tired. But I finished the rest of the June Briefing things and scheduled them to go up on the first of the month. We had Friday Thai Day and I had 103, my comfort food (fried rice noodle with chicken and vegetable). When Tony came in in the afternoon, I checked with him where everything was up to because there were still things that needed to be finished for the July/August Briefing and we were supposed to go to layout two days ago. He promised to email the three things I required to me that afternoon when he was done.

Ben and I left for counselling at 3. I couldn't fall asleep in the car, even though I wanted to. We had a good counselling session—we talked about Wednesday and my conversation with Malcolm. During the course of the hour, however, I started feeling really depressed and started crying. I felt like I'd made this decision about church to reduce the stress in my life but all it was doing was creating more stress because everyone was so disapproving and negative about my decision—which was really our decision because we had discussed it together. (All right, not everyone disapproved, just most people. To be fair, it sounded really unconventional.) I felt like no one supported us. I felt the way I did the year we were engaged—when we announced we were getting married and no one was happy for us. Our counsellor said that it was interesting and odd: why were all these people disapproving? Why weren't they sad with us? Couldn't they see we were a couple in crisis?

On the way home, I had a big cry in the car because I felt like having one and felt like I needed one. Ben squeezed my hand as he drove and kept giving me sympathetic looks. We had a good talk once I got over that. At home, I ate leftovers and watched the rest of Stick It. Ben was going out for dinner with friends so he didn't eat with me. Cameron G came over and was quite impressed with our place (I'd forgotten he'd never been there before). Then I left to go to PEC Women's Fellowship.

I was dreading it a bit but it turned out to be good and I got to talk to some of the women who I don't think I had had a chance to talk to for a long while. Lara was really nice: she was sad I was leaving but she told me I was always welcome to come to women's fellowship if I wanted. Rosey asked me what we could do together to keep up the friendship. She suggested re-starting our failed book club (we only read one book—The Picture of Dorian Gray) and I said that I didn't really have time to read; what would be good, however, would be to sit and do stuff together. I could knit and she could ... do something. Or I could write and she could write music. She got really enthusiastic about that and asked me for poems that she could use as song lyrics. That was hugely cool: I've never been asked for song lyrics before (I can't write music). I got really excited and wanted to make stuff.

I was one of the last to leave and didn't get home until 10:30 or so. Once I opened up Thunderbird, I saw Tony's email sitting there and remembered the editing I had vaguely thought about doing. I edited the Resource Talk and fixed up Talking about Total Church (Part 3), but thought that I really didn't have it in me to work on the final feature article which was six pages long (roughly 5,000 words). Instead I went to bed. But I was too excited about making things to sleep, and kept talking to Ben about Blue Moon days, articles and songs.

Saturday 31/5/08

I woke at 8, had a shower and left the house at 9. I caught the train to Central and the bus from Eddy Avenue up Oxford St. It was a beautiful sunny day, and I was wearing my Vinnie's $10 burgundy velvet coat, plus my black felt cloche hat from Beau Chapeau. I was 20 minutes early before I was going to meet Bec, and I wanted to wander around, buy some breakfast and eat it in the sun. I got some from the fruit and veg shop—yoghurt with sultanas, almonds, pumpkin seeds, walnuts and cashews—and I walked across the road to the park near Dinosaur Designs and sat on the low stone wall eating it. Then Bec sent me a text message to say that she was in Mickey's eating breakfast. We could have had breakfast together! Oh well. I went to join her and she bought me a chai tea and we talked.

Then we realised she only had 15 minutes of parking left, so we left and went to the Australian Centre for Photography and saw the Phantasia exhibition which I had learned about in the SMH (I love the picture that accompanies that article—the woman knitting with her yarn going under the coffee table and turning into a landscape of trees and hills and streams. You can also download the exhibition notes). It was lovely and I loved looking at it.

Then we got into Bec's car and drove to Wollongong, listening to her iPod on the way. It started with Feist but then as I was scrolling through her library, I noticed that Guan had tracks on there and so did she. So we listened to both her and Guan singing covers of songs as well as original material, and we talked about writing and creativity and how to fit them into our already busy lives.

We arrived at Stacie and Pakman's at around 12:30 and met little Eli for the first time. The poor thing wasn't looking too happy! He was feeding every 1.5 hours and then never for more than five minutes. But he would sleep through the night for about five hours or so. It was lovely catching up Stacie. She told her labour story and talked about the transition to motherhood (Eli is only five weeks old). Then my Ben turned up and Stacie made us lunch—starting with mushroom bruschetta and then moving onto yummy pasta. We ate, then I helped clean up, and Stacie's parents arrived so we had hot drinks in the lounge room and listened to Pakman's latest CD (which is totally awesome—Craig has to buy it for his boys).

Bec had to go soon after but we stuck around. We went for a walk with Stacie's parents and Eli in the pram (Stacie went and had a sleep while we were out), and I chatted with Stacie's mum. When we got back, there was more feeding to be had. I set myself up in the dining room and started working on the A4 page of witticisms we were supposed to write for Matt (well, it was words of appreciation, words of advice, memories, song lyrics, quotes, etc.) It took me a couple of hours to fill the page—I drew things and flipped through Delicious magazine for design inspiration. In the music room/study, Pakman worked on his poem (which was totally awesome—it had rhyme and meter and everything).

Then it was time to go, so we said goodbye to Stacie and Eli, hopped in the car and drove to Thirroul to Little Italy where Matt was celebrating his non-gender-specific buck's night. Little Rachel and Seamus were there, along with Andrew, Karen A, Lynley, Duncan, Fiona and Larissa's brother Tim (who I might have met during ISCF in high school but I don't remember him). All the girls were given strips of gold cardboard to write stuff on and then fasten around our wrists (the idea being that instead of there being a stripper for the buck's night, all the girls would remove the gold things at the appropriate moment and throw them at Matt. Um, yeah, I don't really get it either). We ate ourselves silly and I had hot chocolate for dessert. I also got to catch up with various people.

Then we drove home and got back at around 11.

Sunday 1/6/08

I was up at 8:30, had a shower and ate breakfast. We went off to the 10:30 am service at Darling St. We were there relatively early. It was a good service—Barry the minister preached on Acts 4. We had communion at the end of the service and I ended up crying. Andrew C came up to talk to us and was very nice and comforting because I was crying. But we had to go so we drove home.

At home, I put on the next lot of laundry and Ben made lunch. I was running late—trying to look up driving directions and talking to my mum on the phone—but figured it was more important for me to eat lunch than to get there on time. So after downing my lunch (grilled salmon and microwaved vegetables), I drove to Narwee Baptist for band rehearsal for Matt and Larissa's wedding. (Isn't funny that you're always stuck behind the slowest person in the world when you're in a hurry.) The others didn't mind too much that I was half an hour late.

We had a good practice, me having to learn the two songs I didn't know on the spot (good thing they were easy). And the band sounded fantastic. Kester called it a day after two hours so I drove home and did more laundry.

Then I drove to Wild Street feeling rather sad. I was early, and the people who were already there welcomed me and were very friendly to me. Guy and Sam and Bec then turned up, and we went to sit together. During the opening songs, I started crying, and I had Sam and Bec squeezing my hands on either side. I pulled it together for the sermon. Rod preached very well on Acts 19. I was having trouble concentrating but I still managed to hear enough and to take good notes to appreciate where he was going with it.

During supper afterwards I got to meet various people. I even stayed for dinner in the hall out the back and met some more of the girls. Kurt, the night church minister, sat with me and Bec and asked me questions about myself. We ate bolognaise with salads and somehow I managed to spill food all over myself. Everyone else soon left so it was just me and Kurt and the people on clean up. I explained to Kurt the entire situation and he was very understanding. We prayed together and then I drove home and finished the laundry. I put away the dishes and the clean clothes, then scribbled and read Calvin and Hobbes until Ben came home. We had a chat, then I went to sleep—early for once.

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