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The Male Couple

Monday, 21 October, 2002

In preparation for my article on homosexuality I have been reading lots of material on the subject. I've started reading a book called The Male Couple by David P. McWhirter and Andrew M. Mattison. It's a study of male couples (defining male couples as two men who have lived together for over one year and define themselves as a “couple”). McWhirter and Mattison said they approached the study wanting to know, “What keeps male couples together?” One thing that really jumped out at me is this:

As a result of this study, we believe that the single most important factor that keeps couples together past the ten-year mark is the lack of possessiveness they feel. Many couples learn very early in their relationships that ownership of each other sexually can become the greatest internal threat to their staying together. (p. 256)

In the book's first chapter, the authors acknowledge that what keeps a heterosexual relationship going is often detrimental to a homosexual one. In their chapter on sexuality, they say that, out of the 156 couples who participated in the study, only 7 have had a totally exclusive sexual relationship, and all these men have been together for less than five years:

Stated in another way, all couples with a relationship lasting more than five years have incorporated some provision for outside sexual activity in their relationships. Many of the couples have started their relationship with either explicit agreements or implicit assumptions about sexual exclusivity, which they have modified over time, finding emotional fidelity more enduring. (p. 252)

I have known guys who want nothing more than to have a monogamous life-long relationship with another guy. But that sort of relationship doesn't seem to exist.

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