The price of anger
Friday, 14 February, 2003
I know I have an anger problem. But I don't know what to do about it. Anger feels good when it's released but it has some terrible repercussions. You remember everything that was said and your relationship with the other person gets fractured. Pride rears its ugly head. Depression sets in.
Of course I'm not thinking about the repercussions when I get angry—that's part of my problem. I know I should. I get angry anyway. I take things personally. I hate dealing with students who don't listen to me and talk over the top of me when I'm trying to give them program advice. (It's these same students who will turn around six months later when they find out they can't graduate and accuse our office of telling them the wrong thing.) I hate being blamed for things that aren't my fault. (“I didn't know I couldn't do ten Level 1 subjects in my degree. You guys should have told me.” There are 3,500 students in this Faculty; we can't monitor every single one!) I hate going out of my way for students who don't get off their backsides and do what I've asked them to do. (I waited six months for this student to get a letter from the Head of School, exempting her from a core course, and she never got it. Then she rang up and asked why she wasn't graduating. In the end, I went and obtained the letter myself.)
But then I also get angry over little things. I hate answering the same question three times because a student is “Just making sure.” (I said yes the first time. How many times do you want me to say it? Do you think if you keep asking the answer's going to change?) I hate dealing with students who never bother to find out anything for themselves but just ask us. (“I can't find the timetable. How am I supposed to know when classes are on?” “It's on the Faculty website.”) I hate it when lecturers schedule classes at the last minute. (“I don't know why it wasn't scheduled before.” Probably because you never told us it was running like you were supposed to four months ago.)
Okay, okay, I should probably recite the Serenity Prayer a little more—particularly the first line (“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change ...”). I can't change the University online student system so that it's less counter-intuitive and more comprehensible (though if I could I'm sure it would reduce our phone calls by half). I can't change the idiosyncrasies of those students who need everything to be repeated three times before they believe it (though I suppose I could hang up on them). I can't change the way other faculties work (why did Medicine confirm a Medicine/Arts student for both degrees when that student hasn't even finished their Arts yet???) And I can't change the ways of academics who, even after years of studying for their PhDs, still behave like undergraduates and leave everything to the last minute.
So if I can't change these things, why does it depress me? Probably because I can't change them. So what do I do? Try not to get depressed? Keep praying the first line of the Serenity prayer? (“God grant me serenity ...”) Aaargh! It's so hard to be good! I want to be good for God's sake but I keep stuffing up! C.S. Lewis says,
But if you are a poor creature—poisoned by a wretched upbringing in some house full of vulgar jealousies and senseless quarrels—saddled, by no choice of your own, with some loathsome sexual perversion—nagged day in and day out with an inferiority complex that makes you snap at your best friends—do not despair. He knows all about it. You are one of the poor whom He blessed. He knows what a wretched machine you are trying to drive. Keep on. Do what you can. One day (perhaps in another world, but perhaps far sooner than that) He will fling it on a scrap-heap and give you a new one. And then you may astonish us all—not least yourself: for you have learned your driving in a hard school.
(Mere Christianity)
So I guess I'll keep pushing on.
Current:
Bible: Isaiah (ESV) 28/09/2010
seen: Tropic Thunder 26/09/2010
seen: The Life of Mammals 24/09/2010
seen: What a Girl Wants 19/09/2010
seen: Jerry Maguire 19/09/2010
seen: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 06/09/2010
seen: Tomorrow Never Dies 05/09/2010
seen: Nanny McPhee 28/08/2010
read: Mercury (Hope Larson) 27/08/2010
read: Spellcheckers Vol 1 (Jamie S Rich, Nicolas Hitori de, Joelle Jones) 16/08/2010
read: Solipsistic Pop Vol 2 (Solipsistic Pop) 16/08/2010
read: Chiggers (Hope Larson) 15/08/2010
seen: Josie and the Pussycats 14/08/2010
seen: Mr & Mrs Smith 14/08/2010
seen: Step Up 2 13/08/2010
Blinks:
How to recalibrate the home button on your iPhone.
Unsolicited manuscripts accepted by Pan Macmillan with certain conditions.
Thought Balloon is a group blog in which the writers tackle a new theme every week? month? with one-page scripts. This URL is for their Phonogram ones.
How to sew a zipper on a knitted garment.
Issues organised by tale.
Online magazine that publishes fairy tales that are not reworkings of old tales.
Journal that publishes fairy tale writing.
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Other comments
Thank God for C.S Lewis
My goodness - does anything good ever happen at your work??
I got given a sunflower once.
Oh, and we just got air conditioning installed!
I really shouldn’t be so gloomy about work; the staff in my section are really lovely and my manager is the best manager you could possibly have; every day she thanks me for the work I’ve done that day and, when I got that parking ticket, she offered to pay for it if the appeal didn’t go through. It’s all the other stuff that gets me down.
amen to this post. that’s all.
Did the appeal come through?
Working with other people is very very hard. I wonder what you’ll say in hindsight - maybe around this time next year?
Haven’t heard anything yet. Expecting something soon because the 23-day period is almost up.