/karen/

“We’re on a mission from God”

Tuesday, 03 May, 2005

It's mission week at Moore College and all the students have been scattered amongst various churches in Sydney, Newcastle and Wollongong, as well as a school in Melbourne and an ex-pat church in Bangkok. The teams are split up roughly by chaplaincy groups (though if you wanted to go to Bangkok or Melbourne, you had to volunteer at the beginning of the year). We are in Campsie which is in the western part of Sydney but somehow doesn't qualify as “inner west”. It is a very diverse area with lots of migrants from all over the world settling there. When they become more affluent, they moving elsewhere. Someone once described Campsie as being like a “bus station”; everyone's in transit, waiting to move on.

It's the third day of mission and so far we haven't done too much: I sang an item on Sunday morning at both the English and Mandarin services; I went to a dialogue ESL meeting on Monday morning; Ben and I attended an ESL class on Monday night; I helped with Kids' Club today (we only got three kids along); and then this evening Ben and I went to a dialogue meeting in the assistant minister's home. I'm meeting lots of new people—mainly Asians who are disappointed I don't speak their language. I confuse them in being born in Canada. In ESL groups, they wonder why I'm there—“Your English is so good,” they say, thinking I'm one of them.

This mission is pretty different to any of the other missions I've been on. For one thing, we're not being billeted; instead, we come drive in from home every day. It is nice being able to retreat back home when things are over for the day. However there are down sides in not physically being in the area all the time. For another thing, the timetable is far less packed than other missions I've been on (despite the fact the mission is twice as long as my previous missions—8 days as opposed to 4).

I have to say (and perhaps some people will shake their heads and *tsk tsk* me for saying this) I do not enjoy going on mission. I will do mission. I can see the importance of doing mission. I like seeing God at work in the world and it is always humbling to be reminded of how much I cannot do on my own strength—how I cannot change a person's heart and turn them to God but, in everything, I must rely on God for only he can do what I cannot. But I do not enjoy going on mission and I never have.

Firstly, it's because mission (well, this sort of mission as opposed to other sorts of missions like long-term overseas mission where people will spend years living in another country, working among the locals) is, in a sense, a somewhat “artificial” environment. It's a concentrated time in which we go out and proclaim the gospel, calling people we have no former relationship with to repentance. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with that—sometimes mission is called for. But it is not the way that I prefer to do evangelism. I would rather work on long-term relationships with people and tell them the gospel over time. Some would even say that this sort of mission is not even the most “effective” way of doing evangelism (bearing in mind that no evangelism is ever effective without God's hand at work). Statistics (which, admittedly, can lie) show that most people who become Christians do so through people close to them sharing the gospel with them. Few become Christians through contact with strangers sharing the gospel with them.

Secondly, I do not enjoy mission because of the intensity of the program. Previous missions I have been on have programs so packed you barely have time to catch your breath. There's always something on—morning, afternoon and evening. I'm just not one of those energetic-types who get really fired up and enthusiastic about doing Scripture, going door-knocking, participating in dialogue dinners, etc. I get tired out and need a break. I don't have the stamina that's required.

Thirdly, I do not enjoy large amounts of stranger contact. I have no problem with talking with strangers—I've had enough experience of meeting new people, engaging them in conversation and even turning the conversation towards the gospel or the things of God. But doing it for long amounts of time is tiring. I'm an introvert; I don't get recharged around other people. I also don't enjoy door-knocking (though I can and will do it). I am not scared of door-knocking—it's the tedium that gets to me—the apprehension of knocking on a door, the tension of waiting for someone to answer it, the anticlimactic disappointment when I find they are not interested in what I have to say, etc. Giving out fliers is not much better than door-knocking but at least it's not as tedious because I have no expectations of striking up conversations with passers-by.

Fourthly, (and this is related to the previous point) mission is full of people-focused activites (which is fair enough because we want to reach people with the gospel). However, people ministry is not my strong point. I can do it but I do not think I am particularly suited to people ministry. Other people have very strong gifts in that area and it is wonderful to see them exercise those gifts to God's glory. I feel my gifts lie more in the writing/administration/background sort of areas, so when I go on mission, I feel out of place and a bit of a fraud. (Sometimes I feel like a fraud going to Bible college because the general expectation is that, when you get out of Bible college, you will go into people ministry. The general expectation needs to change. When I finish college, I do not intend to go into people ministry; I want to go into writing ministry. This does not mean that I will shun people ministry; I will probably still do it in some capacity. But it will not be the main thing I will do with my time.)

In writing this, please do not hear me saying that I think mission is a bad thing. I think mission is a very good thing, and if you are thinking of this post over the next couple of days or week, I would love it if you could be praying for Moore College mission and the effects of it—for the spread of the gospel and for people from all walks of life coming to repentance and faith. However, I have to honestly say I don't enjoy mission. It's not something I would choose to do with my time. It's not something I like. I don't think it's a sin to dislike mission. Suffering is an integral part of the Christian life but nothing will compel me to say that I enjoy suffering. (That would make me a masochist, wouldn't it?) Wherever the gospel is proclaimed, there will be resistance and even hostility. You cannot expect me to like having doors slammed in my face, having strangers swear at me, listening to people say horrible things about my God or belittling my faith.

That said, I do recognise that it is a privilege to tell people the gospel. I do try to take up the opportunites that are given to me, even if the person I am talking to refuses to consider (or even completely ignores) the things I am saying to him/her or discuss them with me. (Funny, I encounter that a lot.) The things that Phillip Jensen said at National Training Event last year have been enormously comforting in that regard: Evangelism is simply the proclamation of the gospel. It is not your job to convert them or change their heart. Your job is to faithfully tell people the good news about Jesus. It is God that does the rest. Thank God for that. That God that it's his mission, not Moore College's.

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